The Pencil Sharpener War

 It is a day like any other in history teacher Gregg Schmidt's history class.  It is morning, and there is snow outside as Schmidt discusses what there is to discuss about history with his class. 

 Many posters are strewn about, most propaganding a World War II America.  One says, "LET'S GIVE THEM A BREATHER," in bold letters, and drawn on it is a man, red-eyed and animate putting on a gas mask.  Another has an image of Waldo, that crazy little man who needs to be found, and on it it says, "WHERE'S WALDO, THE ANARCHIST?"  Close to this one is another poster, having just a quote: "It's the deed that teaches, not the act.  Murder and the Death Penalty are not opposites that cancel each other out, but they are similars that breed their kind."  And still there are more posters, more things to see. 

   
 Among these is one which is a T-shirt hung on the wall.  It says, "Schmidtler making AP History Hell for Students."    

 He certainly has an interesting room.    

 And as he speaks of history, and its greatness and his knowledge of it, one can see a few of the students aren't even listening to what Schmidt is saying at all, but they are either glaring around the room in some haze, looking at all there is to see in the room; or they are in la-la land, a place where many students seemingly visit often, another plane of existence.  For it is early in the morning.    

 On the other side of the front wall, over in another room, a geometry and pre-calculus teacher by the name of Joe Bob Kosse stands next to his chalkboard, the click-clack of the chalk moving up and down sounding as he writes some mathematical ingenuity.  Mr. Kosse is a man who appears to be of Germanic decent, with a beard and slick, drawn-back hair.  Upon his face sit his glasses, adding mathematician beauty and smarts to his appearance.  He has a nasally voice, dull, but not exactly boringly monotone.  His voice is one Schmidt often impersonates. 

 In Kosse's classroom there are a few kids too who are in a la-la land that is their escape from the world, seemingly another plane of existence, but that is because it is morning, the beginning of the school day.  Kosse himself could easily testify to the fact that a plane is an area with three noncollinear points, but the kids are off on their own planes of existence even so.  Yet other students are paying intent attention upon what they are being taught, as if math is the best thing to ever happen in their lives; while others are in their morning haze, tired and still awakening.   

 Back in Schmidt's room, Schmidt is still yawping about history, and throwing in his funny charm at the same time.  He is a tall, somewhat lanky man with black hair, and a black, fuzzy goatee.  His eyebrows are heavy-set, his arms strong looking, but not too strong to look like they are the arms of a muscleman. 

   
 Suddenly, a grinding noise is faintly heard from within Kosse's room.  Schmidt stops talking and asks a student to sharpen his pencil in retaliation.  The student responds, sharpening his pencil.  Schmidt tells the student to keep sharpening, and they concur.    

 The incessance of pencil grinding emanates about the room, seemingly awakening many students from their morning delirium.  All about the room laughter begins to prevail and come around.  The pencil sharpener war has begun.
 This is a common sight about Schmidt and Kosse's classrooms, and as it ends this time. Schmidt, smiling like a crazy devil, goes from the room and into Mr. Kosse's.  As he goes in the room, a student can still be heard sharpening their pencil, as if perpetually refusing to give up and wanting the last sharpen.  The students in Schmidt's room continue to laugh as if a naked man runs in and runs out in all the same time, leaving most students dumbstruck and then laughing like hyenas.  But no naked man had come yodeling in here like a pre-pretty boy model Fabio.  No, all that is going on here is fun meddling over a stalemated war that will continue to go on throughout the two teacher's careers.  Or at least as long as the teachers have rooms next to one another.   

 
 When Schmidt arrives in Kosse's room, he throws an object, and a dull thud can be heard in his room.  The students begin to laugh even more. It is later found that at this pencil sharpener war, Kosse had a student teacher in his classroom, viewing his classroom and his teaching.  When Schmidt returns to his class he mentions this.  His students are yet again incited into laughter, where otherwise would just be a dull morning.  

  
 Kosse and Schmidt have known each other for about four years in total.  Kosse has been teaching for 19 years, whereas Mr. Schmidt has been teaching only 6.    
 Kosse, his eyes always calculating and wandering, is a true professor in all connotations.  He has his beard, his glasses, that particular look.  And he claims superiority over Schmidt in the pencil sharpener wars, saying everything as if he is a still-living Julius Caesar who shall never be assassinated in a conspiracy against him. 

 "I think it's funny he thinks (Schmidt) he can out-do me," Kosse said.  "The students take the competition so seriously, but it's just a good-natured competition between us."   

 Schmidt denies that Kosse is better than him at the competition like a stern bear.    
 "(Kosse is) much more relaxed and easy going than kids think," Schmidt said.  And then, stern as ever, "There has never been a time he has defeated me in battle." 

 The competition between them is not serious, but all in fun.  Some students do take it as serious, but that's all in the fun of it all—that's all in the perception of what the Kosse and Schmidt feud is.  For Kosse and Schmidt both perceive that the games they play on each other are all in fun.    

 When asked what his first name was, Mr. Kosse, being the elusive and sly mathematician he is simply said that his name was "Joe Bob."  Upon instigating Mr. Schmidt for intelligence concerning what, exactly, is Mr. Kosse's real name is, it was found that it was actually "Kelvin."  Take that, Joe Bob!  Why, exactly, Mr. Kosse meandered to this name is unknown at this time; but it is considered he used it because it is a stereotypically mundane name, which seems to further accentuate Mr. Kosse's benevolently dictatorish inflections. 

 As aptly put by Schmidt, "(His real name is) Kelvin Kosse, aka 'professor'."
 How long the feud between Mr. Schmidt and Sir Kelvin "Joe Bob" Kosse shall last is unknown at this time.  But it is known that the antics that are happening will continue to happen.  One of those which includes the pencil sharpener wars.  Another of those that includes Schmidt's often mockery of Kosse by way of his impersonation. 

 The impersonation can be quite humorous, especially in the fact that Mr. Schmidt builds up to it by reverting to and from voices until he gets it just right and gets "the Kosse impersonation."  

  
 Mr. Kosse, in retort to "the Kosse impersonation" is still as strong as ever in denouncing Mr. Schmidt.    

 "It's pathetic," he said. "He's got to work on it."    

 Mr. Schmidt, in retrospect, denies this. 

 "He's jealous," Schmidt replied to Kosse.  And in response to why Kosse doesn't do an impersonation of him, he answers, "But who would want to?  I'm such an awesome man no one would do that." 

 Mr. Kelvin "Joe Bob" Kosse would be quick to refute that indeed, but on fun terms.